How To Pick-Up Women In Bars

By Andy Pope for Best-Dating-Tips.com

Every time I go to a bar, I see the same pathetic types of guys trying to pick-up women:

You have the Player. For the Player, it’s all about playing the odds. He just hits on as many women as possible and hopes to get lucky and pick-up a woman once in a while. But he is not successful on a predictable and consistent basis every single time. Contrary to popular belief, picking-up women should not be a number’s game! If you don’t have skills, it may be a number’s game. But if you have skills, it should not be difficult to pick-up women every single time…

Mr. Nice Guy has the courage to make a move and initiate a conversation. He may even have the skills the keep a conversation going, and makes a good impression…initially. But then bores the hell out of the woman he’s talking to.

Then there’s the Lurker. The majority of guys in bars and clubs are lurkers. They just lurk around with their friends downing one beer after another. They just check out women and never have the courage to make a move. They wait and hope a girl will approach them. Only when the lurker is drunk enough will he try and…predictably, crash, burn and die.

What do these three have in common?

They let women be in control. These guys are trying too hard to get their attention. Picking-up women is not that difficult. But a lot of guys are desperate for a woman’s approval, and women can smell fear a mile away.

All three don’t have a “rap”. All of them ask the same old pathetic questions that everybody asks:

“Where are you from?” “What do you do for a living?” “How do you like this bar//club?” etc. I crack up laughing every time I stand next to a guy trying so hard to keep a conversation going with these lame questions. It’s truly pathetic…you just can’t pick-up a woman with the same old and boring conversation topics that every guy uses. You have to entertain and truly connect with a woman to pick her up successfully.

Enter the “Zen”.

There’s some good news and some bad news for you. Let’s start with the good news: Women go to bars to meet men. Women seek our approval and attention. Women want to be noticed and desired, so don’t be shy. In fact, women want you to be in control and expect you to initiate a conversation. After all, in our society women are raised that way. They want to be picked-up!

The bad news is that the key to success is to have “Zen”. To be successful on a predictable and consistent basis, you need to know exactly what you’re going to do. A lot of lame dating books say you just need to be cocky and funny. But they don’t tell you exactly how. How exactly do you go about being cocky without being arrogant? How do you build self-confidence in the first place? How do you go about being funny?

Let’s start with the basics first. There 4-stages to every pick-up:

Stage 1 – The initial approach: Before you even your mouth and utter your first word, a woman will have sized you up. And I am not just referring to your overall looks, but your body language, posture, facial expression – the overall confidence and strength that you exude with your body language. You don’t have to be handsome or in Schwarzenegger shape. But you have to exude the kind of confidence and charisma that women find attractive.

Stage 2 – The Introduction: If you try an obvious pick-up routine, her defenses will be high. We simply, categorically, and unequivocally don’t recommend it. Women want to meet the “right guy” through a random, “natural” encounter. Born and raised on romance novels, Cosmo, Elle, and Vogue, they want to tell their girlfriends about their “romantic” their first meeting with their boyfriend/fiancé/husband. In general, women don’t want to be “picked-up”. It’s our job to repackage “fate” and make your approach look like a random encounter.

More importantly, the introduction should not be a lame “Hi! I’m Jack. What’s your name?” Instead, right from the start, you would want to provide her with some conversational fodder to engage her in a conversation.

Stage 3 – The Conversation: The ability to hold a great conversation is absolutely critical to your dating success. But like any other skill, your conversation skills need to be developed and then continuously refined. Even if you think you’re a great conversationalist, think again. Some of us may have that innate ability to keep any conversation going for hours. Some of us may even have advanced college degrees and are well versed on such a plethora of arcane subjects including foreign policy, nanotechnology and Plato. Knowledge and intelligence are wonderful assets to have at your fingertips. But there’s a huge difference between having a casual conversation with friends and having a conversation with a perfect stranger. Moreover, there’s a huge difference between exchanging information and seducing a woman. Sometimes advanced degrees and tons of information at your fingertips can hurt you more than help you. If you are not careful women might view you as a boring “wind bag” (= Mr. Nice Guy). Even if your conversation goes well, if you fail to seize the opportunity to create chemistry or that “special” connection, you might wind up in the dreaded “friend zone.”

Stage 4 – Closing: Don’t forget your ABC = Always be closing. You’ve made a great first impression and had a really enjoyable and easy-going 30-minute conversation with her. It’s time to leave while you are on top, while she has a great impression of you, and when you can comfortably ask her for her phone number. How do you ask for it without coming across as desperate or pushy?

In subsequent columns, we’ll explore specifically how to master each stage.