April Masini
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Guest Dating Expert
 April
Masini—one of America’s foremost internet dating and relationship expert, and
author of the best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League, is continually sought
out for her expertise and opinion by the world’s most widely read and respected
publications. And now, with "Ask April", her on-going relationship advice column
featured on several of Forbes Magazine’s "Best of the Web" winners, as well as
on her own web site (check out
April Masini's web site)
April Masini was so kind to allow us to republish one of her columns. Enjoy!
Question: Dear April, I’ve recently gotten out of a
long-term relationship, and want to start dating again. The only problem is I
think I still have some lingering “issues” from my last partner, and don’t want
them to negatively affect my future. Any tips?
Thanks in advance, Wanting to be Baggage-Free
April Masini: Dear Wanting to be Baggage-Free,
There’s no way around it: breakups are tough…at best. In fact,
I’ve watched more than a few friends—friends who are smart and hot and could
easily find another—stay in terrible relationships just to avoid the breakup.
And then there are the others—the one’s who may be well out of the relationship
time-wise, but are still very much in the relationship when it comes to matters
of the heart.
But no matter what your story is (and believe me, everybody’s
got one), getting through a breakup can be made easier and more effective. Plus,
it’s a must-do for anyone who wants to find another—a better—relationship…or
simply move on.
Just follow these five common-sense tips and you’ll be well on
your way to living baggage-free.
1. Realize that even the best of relationships can come to an
end. I think we have a tendency that once a relationship ends, we throw the
whole thing into question. To think that its demise was a sign that what you
thought was “real” (i.e.—your time together, love, etc.) wasn’t. But the truth
is that good things—including relationships—can come to an end.
2. Recognize what lessons the relationship taught you.
Regardless of whether it was short or long, contentious or amicable, each and
every relationship has lessons for you to walk away with—lessons that will help
you know more about who you are leaving it than when you entered it.
3. Rationalize your way into positive thinking. Look, we all
feel terrible after it’s over, but sometimes the only way to really get better
is to sort of, well…fake it. Think positively even if it feels untrue, and soon
enough, you won’t have to force it at all. Create your own reality.
4. Refrain from playing the blame game. If you’re really
serious about getting over your ex and moving on, you won’t wallow in who was
right and who was wrong. Instead, take your blame (or guilt, as the case may be)
and focus on turning it into a lesson to be learned (see #2).
5. Remainto the possibility of another. It can be hard
to imagine after a breakup—meeting someone else and starting all over again. In
fact, you may not be able to stomach the idea at all. But in time—and by
following the four steps above—you will meet another. And this time, it will be
better than before because you’ve done the hard work necessary to leave your
last relationship behind, move on with the next, baggage-free and all.
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