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A lot of
guys think they are great conversationalists, but
there's a huge
difference between just talking to a beautiful woman and truly
connecting with her. Dating is all about
creating chemistry - a.k.a. attraction.
In my next
column we'll cover the popular subject of pick-up lines and
conversations starters, so you definitely don't want to miss
that one! But let's cover the basics first:
The
ability to hold a great conversation in a "dating" situation and
to connect with a beautiful woman is a skill.
Like any
other skill, your conversation skills need to be developed and
then continuously refined. Even if you think you’re a great
conversationalist, think again. Some of us may have that innate
ability to keep any conversation going for hours. Some of us may
even have advanced college degrees and are well versed on such a
plethora of arcane subjects including foreign policy,
nanotechnology and Plato. Knowledge and intelligence are
wonderful assets to have at your fingertips. But there’s a
huge difference between having a casual conversation with
friends and having a conversation with a perfect stranger.
Moreover, there’s a huge difference between exchanging
information and seducing a woman. Sometimes advanced degrees
and tons of information at your fingertips can hurt you more
than help you. If you are not careful women might view you as a
boring “wind bag.” Even if your conversation goes well, if you
fail to seize the opportunity to create chemistry or that
“special” connection, you might wind up in the dreaded “friend
zone.”
As you must
have noticed by now, we are strong proponents of preparation.
If you want to master conversation and seduce your target, you
need to learn from the pros: do your homework and practice,
practice, practice. The world’s best public speakers and
stand-up comedians memorize and practice their routines for
weeks on end. The President of the United States carefully
prepares all of his speeches, consulting half a dozen
speechwriters and political consultants. Even seemingly
spontaneous off-the-cuff comments and jokes are well rehearsed
and constantly refined.
Every
conversation is an opportunity.
A conversation is never just small talk. You are a man with a
clear mission: you want to create chemistry. Even if this
particular woman does not turn out to be the right person to
pursue, she could still become a great friend or be the one who
introduces you to another beautiful woman - don't forget the
"Domino effect". So never take any opportunity for granted,
ever!
Every
aspect of a conversation can, and should be prepared.
This is true even though you never, ever want to seem too
canned. Think of poor, stiff, wooden Al Gore. Who would want
to date a guy like that? Could you imagine him creating
chemistry? Anyway, the important point here is that you have to
practice and prepare. And the more you prepare and the more you
practice in real life circumstances, the more natural you become
at subtly exhibiting the skills of a Zen Master. In general,
you should prepare:
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A great
introduction.
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A line of
questions to engage her. (This is by far the most
important.)
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Interesting conversation topics. (This is merely a
fall-back, learn and practice some stories or anecdotes that
are proven – through field testing – to be entertaining and
interesting. But be sure you are listening to make
sure you find out what she finds interesting).
-
A
surefire way to impress her.
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A great
exit.
A great conversation is more
about you listening.
Listening and asking the right
questions are the most critical component of a great
conversation. We found this through our research that some of
the best conversationalists say very little about themselves;
they just facilitate a conversation by asking questions and
getting the other person toup. And more often than not,
there’s nothing more exciting than to be taken seriously by an
attentive listener who shows his appreciation for the important
things we have to say and furthers the conversation in a
meaningful way.
When you are pursuing a woman,
you need to take active listening to a new level. You have a
clear mission to fulfill: (1) you need to connect with her; (2)
you want to find out more about her; and (3) you want to leave
her with a very favorable impression. Whatever piece of
information she conveys, it allows you to understand her better
and formulate questions to keep an interesting conversation
going. So active listening in a dating context is not your
regular "active listening". Again, you have a mission to
accomplish.
Don't forget! Next week we'll
cover pick-up lines and conversation starters! If you
can't wait, check out the "Zen" System at
http://www.best-dating-tips.com
Until next
time,
Andy
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