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Every time I go to a bar, I see the same pathetic types of guys
trying to pick-up women:
You have the Player. For the Player, it’s all about playing
the odds. He just hits on as many women as possible and hopes to
get lucky once in a while. But he is not successful on a
predictable and consistent basis every single time.
Contrary to popular belief, picking-up women should not be
a number’s game! If you don’t have skills, it may be a number’s
game. But if you have skills…
Mr. Nice Guy
has the courage to make a move and initiate a conversation. He
may even have the skills the keep a conversation going, and makes
a good impression…initially. But then bores the hell out of the
woman he’s talking to.
Then there’s the Lurker. The majority of guys in bars and
clubs are lurkers. They just lurk around with their friends
downing one beer after another. They just check out women and
never have the courage to make a move. They wait and hope a girl
will approach them. Only when the lurker is drunk enough will he
try and…predictably, crash, burn and die.
What do these three have in common?
They let women be in
control.
These guys are trying too hard to get their attention. Picking-up
women is not that difficult. But a lot of guys are
desperate for a woman’s approval, and women can smell fear a mile
away.
All three don’t have a
“rap”. All
of them ask the same old pathetic questions that everybody asks:
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“Where are you from?”
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“What do you do for a living?”
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“How do you like this bar//club?”
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etc.
I
crack up laughing every time I stand next to a guy trying so hard
to keep a conversation going with these lame questions. It’s truly
pathetic…you just can’t pick-up a woman with the same old and
boring conversation topics that every guy uses. You have to
entertain and truly connect with a woman to pick her up
successfully.
Enter the “Zen”.
There’s some good news and some bad news for you. Let’s start
with the good news: Women go to bars to meet men. Women seek our
approval and attention. Women want to be noticed and desired, so
don’t be shy. In fact, women want you to be in control and expect
you to initiate a conversation. After all, in our society women
are raised that way. They want to be picked-up!
The bad news is that the key to success is to have “Zen”. To be
successful on a predictable and consistent basis, you need to know
exactly what you’re going to do. A lot of lame dating books say
you just need to be cocky and funny. But they don’t tell you
exactly how. How exactly do you go about being cocky without
being arrogant? How do you build self-confidence in the first
place? How do you go about being funny?
Let’s start with the basics first. There 4-stages to every
pick-up:
Stage 1 – The initial
approach:
Before you evenyour mouth and utter your first word, a woman
will have sized you up. And I am not just referring to your
overall looks, but your body language, posture, facial expression
– the overall confidence and strength that you exude with your
body language. You don’t have to be handsome or in Schwarzenegger
shape. But you have to exude the kind of confidence and charisma
that women find attractive.
Stage 2 – The
Introduction:
If you try an obvious pick-up routine, her defenses will be high.
We simply, categorically, and unequivocally don’t recommend it.
Women want to meet the “right guy” through a random, “natural”
encounter. Born and raised on romance novels, Cosmo, Elle, and
Vogue, they want to tell their girlfriends about their “romantic”
their first meeting with their boyfriend/fiancé/husband. In
general, women don’t want to be “picked-up”. It’s our job to
repackage “fate” and make your approach look like a random
encounter.
More importantly, the introduction should not be a lame “Hi! I’m
Jack. What’s your name?” Instead, right from the start, you would
want to provide her with some conversational fodder to engage her
in a conversation.
Stage 3 – The
Conversation:
The ability to hold a great conversation is absolutely critical to
your dating success. But like any other skill, your conversation
skills need to be developed and then continuously refined. Even
if you think you’re a great conversationalist, think again. Some
of us may have that innate ability to keep any conversation going
for hours. Some of us may even have advanced college degrees and
are well versed on such a plethora of arcane subjects including
foreign policy, nanotechnology and Plato. Knowledge and
intelligence are wonderful assets to have at your fingertips. But
there’s a huge difference between having a casual
conversation with friends and having a conversation with a perfect
stranger. Moreover, there’s a huge difference between exchanging
information and seducing a woman. Sometimes advanced degrees and
tons of information at your fingertips can hurt you more than help
you. If you are not careful women might view you as a boring
“wind bag” (= Mr. Nice Guy). Even if your conversation goes well,
if you fail to seize the opportunity to create chemistry or that
“special” connection, you might wind up in the dreaded “friend
zone.”
Stage 4 – Closing:
Don’t forget your ABC = Always be closing. You’ve made a great
first impression and had a really enjoyable and easy-going
30-minute conversation with her. It’s time to leave while you are
on top, while she has a great impression of you, and when you can
comfortably ask her for her phone number. How do you ask for it
without coming across as desperate or pushy?
In subsequent columns, we’ll explore specifically how to master
each stage.
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